75 euro eest aluspüksid?

Korrastasin eile oma pesusahtlit ja tundsin, et tahaks midagi uut. Ma ikka korra-paar aastas vaatan pesuvarud üle ja vahetan välja pesu, mis on tuhmunud või vormist ära. Näiteks on mul ühed imemugavad ja ilusad pitsbokserid, aga nende mindiroheline värv tuhmus üsna kiiresti ja nüüd on need pigem hallikad. Ei ole ilus, ei ole.

Kuna suurem osa minu pesusahtlist on tulnud BonBon Lingeriest, siis esimesena läksin vaatama nende kodulehele, mida pakutakse. Kõige pealt vaatasin ikka allahindluse lehele. Njah, umbes kümme protsenti on alla hinnatud vaid iganenud laojäägid või igavad mudelid. Okei, sealt polnud midagi skoorida. Hakkasin otsima üht komplekti nimetuse järgi. Polegi lehel. No ei usu mina, et kõik see kollektsioon läbi on müüdud. Okei, ei saa ka seda. Vaatan siis mis uut on.

Mmm… uus kollektsioon Foxy Ladies Brigitte. Ilus. Lihtne, aga seksikas. Push up rinnahoidja lõige meeldis mulle. Iseenesest ei ole ka 85 eurot rinnahoidja eest palju. Aga siis vaatasin ma pükste hindasid. 75 eurot nende pükste eest? Päriselt? Need on ju kõige tavalisemad püksid üldse? Mis materjalist nad on, et hind selline on? Ühtegi sõna ega kirjeldust juures ei ole. Kas BonBon Lingerie on lolliks läinud? Jaa, kodumaine ja peaaegu käsitöö ja mida veel, nõus, aga no ausalt. Kas mina olen lolliks läinud või on 75 eurot tavaliste pükste eest natuke liiga palju? Nii tuntud bränd nagu ka pole, et sellist hinda küsida.

Läksin teisi pesutootjate lehti lappama. Ütleme nii, et BBL hindab oma pesu ikka väääääga kõrgelt. Tuntud brändide hinnad algasid 50 eurost ja olid ägedamad, kordi ägedamad. Ausalt. Love and Lemons lehelt saab allahindluse rubriigist ülituusa pesu kätte sama hinnaga kui BBList kõige tavalisemad tangad. Bon Bon Lingerie, tulge maa peale tagasi!

Kõik postitused fotod: For love and Lemons

Lugu sellest, kuidas trööstiplaastrid mulle tunneli lõpus valgust hakkasid näitama//A story about how Cuddlings Plasters started to shine light to me on the other end of the tunnel

Et ennast mitte väga palju korrata ütlen ma vaid, et paar aastat tagasi olin ma omadega mustas augus. Nii mustas, et kõik tundus mulle lootusetu. Kuigi tegelikult enam ei olnud lootusetu. Võrreldes selle ajaga kui mul tegelikult ka ei olnud raha, et süüa osta. Selle ajaga võrreldes oli kõik juba nii lilleline, et patt oleks olnud kurta ja hädaldada. Ega ma otseselt enam ei hädaldanudki, krõbistasin oma antidepressante ja tegin oma asju, kuid sisimas tundsin ma end ikka veel kasutuna ja katki. Tunneli lõpus ei paistnud mingit valgust.

See oli aeg kui Ida oli lõpetamas oma Lillehammeris lasteaias käimist. See tegi mind ka kurvaks. Ma nägin, kuidas laps oli alles leidnud endale esimesed päris sõbrad, kuidas ta lõpuks hakkas aru saama, kus keskkonnas me elame ja mis keelt räägime, kui me olime jälle kõik pea peale keeramas ja Eestisse tagasi kolimas. Ka Eestisse kolimine tekitas minus hirmu. Ma tundsin Norras olles küll oma kodust ja sõpradest puudust, kuid osakene minust tundis end mingil määral rohkem norraka kui eestlasena. Ma olin segaduses. Ma ei teadnud, kuhu ma kuulun, kes ma olen, mida ma tegema hakkan.

Oli meie viimane õhtu Lillehammeris. Ida mängis naljakate, armsate, karvaste plaastritega, mis Pernille oli talle lahkumiseks kinkinud.

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Ausõna, mul ei olnud Eestisse tagasi tulles mitte mingit tahtmist ega julgust  oma asja ajama hakata, ent midagi sundis mind trööstiplaastritele kirjutama. Ma ei oodanud, et nad vastaks, aga nad vastasid suhteliselt kohe ja olid nii positiivsed. Ma olin hämmingus ja üllatunud. Viimased aastad ei olnud toonud kuigi palju häid uudiseid. Umbes kuu aega hiljem kohtusin ma Stockholmis Ann-Sofie ja Shamaga. Nende kahe naise suhtumine minusse oli selline, et sealt kohtumiselt lahkudes oli mul nutt kurgus. Miks need inimesed uskusid minusse? Miks nad olid nõus minuga koostööd tegema? Nad ei tundnud ju mind, nad teadsid mind vaid kahe e-maili ja ühe kohtumise põhjal. Lisaks, et mul ei olnud mingitki algkapitali ega ei olnud ma valmis tegema suuri tellimusi. Nad lihtsalt uskusid minusse. Nad uskusid ja usaldasid võõrast inimest. Niimoodi oli varem mind samamoodi usaldanud vaid Satu, kes usaldades oma kõhutunnet avas mulle (ja mu perele) oma kodu ja südame.

Ma mõtlen sellele Stockholmi kohtumisele tihti tagasi. See oli suur murdepunkt minu elus. Andis mulle uuesti mõtte ja lootuse. Kuigi ma pean tunnistama, et kahe aasta jooksul kui ma sain ühe eitava vastuse teise järel, tundsin ma kordi, et peaks alla andma ja lõpetama. Lõpetama enda ja teiste petmise, lootmise ja uskumise. Ann-Sofie ja Shama aga ei lõpetanud minuga koostööd, nemad uskusid minusse rohkem kui ma ise. Endale teadmata olid nad mulle kõige raskemal ajal oma kannatlikkusega toeks, ma tundsin, et ma ei ole “keskealine läbikukkuja”, vaid et lootus sureb viimasena ja kõik on veel ees, kõik on veel võimalik.

Sel aastal saabus lõpuks läbimurre. Ma allkirjastasin kaks müügi-ja turunduslepingut. Osake minust kartis ja tahtis enne lepingute allkirjastamist loobuda, mul ei olnud ju vaba raha tellimuste täitmiseks. Teine osake minust tundis, et ma pean proovima, ma pean leidma selle julguse, ma pean.. Ja ma allkirjastasin need lepingud, julgemata tegelikult isegi mõelda, mida see endaga kaasa võib tuua. Ma usun, et see hirm võib tunduda paljudele naeruväärne, aga olukorras, kus ma olin alles hiljuti kaotanud peaaegu et kõik ning olin alles põlvedelt tolmu pühkinud ning taastanud eneseusu ja – väärikuseraasukesed, tundus iga väiksemgi summa, mida mul tegelikult tagataskus olemas ei olnud ja mis tuli pere arvelt, totaalse ruletimänguga. Õnnemängudes ei ole mul aga kunagi vedanud.

Võib olla ma hõiskan enne õhtut, sest kõik need lepingud ja kohustused tekitavad minus stressi ja pinget (võib-olla sellest ka minu kaklused Marekiga), hirmu, aga ka põnevust ja elevust. Hetkel saan ma öelda, et peale kahte aastat pingutusi, lootusetust ja soovi loobuda, on Trööstiplaastrid saadaval nii Apotheka apteekides kui kohe ka Südameapteegis. See ei oleks võimalik ilma nende 1317 jälgija ja toetajata, kes on Facebookis trööstiplaastrite lehele “laik” pannud.  Ma olen nii tänulik, et ei oska seda isegi sõnadesse panna. Ma ei oska oma tundeid väljendada. Siin on mul Shamalt ja Ann-Sofielt palju õppida. Ma loodan, et nad õpetavad mind veel ja veel. Ma tahaksin kasvada paremaks ja suuremaks. Suuremaks hingelt. Suuremaks tegudelt.

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No to repeat myself too much, I am only saying that couple of years ago I was in a deep black hole. It was so black, that everything seemed hopeless. Though it wasn’t that hopeless anymore if you compare to the time when I literally had no money to buy food. Compared to that everything so quite good and it would have seemed really wrong to complain. And I wasn’t really complaining anymore either, I was swallowing my “happy bills” and doing my own thing, but deep inside I still felt useless and broken. There was no light in the end of the tunnel.

 

It was the time when Ida was going to her Lillehammer nursery for the final times, which made me sad. I saw how she had just made some friends and finally started to understand the environment we were in and the language we speak, when we were about to move back to Estonia and turn everything upside down. Again. Moving back to Estonia made me scared. I did miss my friends and family when we were in Norway, but part of me felt more being a Norwegian rather than Estonian. I was confused. I didn’t know where do I belong, who I am or what I will be doing. It was our last night in Lillerhammer. Ida was playing with funny, cute and fluffy plasters that Pernille had giver her as a farewell present.

 

Honestly, I had no intention or confidence to start doing my own thing again once we return back to Estonia, but something pushed me to write to Cuddly Plasters. I wasn’t expecting a reply, but they answered to me quite quickly and were very positive. I was stunned and surprised. Until that point last couple of years had not bring the best news to me. About a month later I met Ann-Sofie and Shama in Stockholm. The attitude these two women had towards me gave me tears by the end of our meeting. Why did they believe in me? Why did they agree to cooperate with me? They didn’t know me, they had only received two emails from me and we had had one meeting. On top of it, I had no finances and wasn’t able to place big orders. They just believed in me. The believed and trusted a stranger. Before them, only Satu had trusted me the same way when she went by her gut feeling and opened her heart and home to me (and my family).

 

I think back to that meeting in Stockholm quite often. That was a big breaking point in my life. It brought back the hope, though I must admit after received decline after a decline for nearly two years, I wanted to stop and give  many times. Stop fooling myself and others, stop hoping and believing. Ann-Sofie and Shama didn not end our cooperation, they believed in me more that I did myself. Without realizing it, with their patience they were my support on the hardest time. They made me feel that I am not yet a “middle-aged failure”  but if there is hope, anything s possible.

 

This year, the breakthrough finally came I signed two sale and marketing contracts. Part of me was scared and didn’t want to sign the papers as I didn’t have any spare money for the orders. But the other part felt that I need to try, I need to find the courage, I need to. And I signed those contracts not even daring to think what does this all actually mean. I believe, that fear might seem ridiculous to so many people, but not so long ago, I had almost lost everything and had only just stood up again and rebuilt my self-esteem. In that situation, even the smallest amount of money, that I didn’t have and came from the family budget, felt like a total roulette. I have never had luck in gambling.

 

Maybe I am being too positive too early, because all these contracts and obligations make me feel stressed, under pressure (maybe that is why we are constantly nagging with Marek recently) and scared, but the same time exited too. At the minute I can say that after two years of trying, hoping and wanting to quit, you can find Cuddly Plasters in every Apotheka branch and soon in SüdameApteek as well. This would have not been possible without all of the 1317 followers and supporters in Cuddly Plasters’ Facebook page and put “like” to it. I am so grateful that I even can’t put it in words. I am not good in expressing my feelings and here I have a lot to learn from Ann-Sofie and Shama. I hope they will teach me even more. I would like to grow bigger and better. Bigger inside. Bigger on my achievements.

 

 

Siis kui ma messil käisin//Orgatec2018, schnitzel and Kölsch

Orgatec 2018 sai läbi. Ühtepidi on kahju, sest te ei kujuta ette, kui cool on olla messil väljas tootega, mida tulevad kiitma maailma tipptegijad, ma auslat ei liialda. Teisalt on hea koju saada. Esiteks messipäevad on väsitavad. Peale päeva lõppu tahad tegelikult kohe koju saada magama, aga kuna sa pole päeva jooksul mitte midagi söönud, siis vead end siiski kohalikku Schnitzel-hausi ja sööd ära söögilauasuuruse šnitsli, nii et silm ka ei pilgu. Viimasel päeval jood veel kolleegidega 26 Kölsch õlut ka ja jääd ellu. Postitad teistelegi pildi, et vaadake kui kõvad me oleme (ja jätate ütlemata, et üks õlu on 0,2l). Teiseks saime me korteriga tünga. Võtsime Airbnb-st ja pildilt tundus korralik korter, ega tal ei olnudki konkreetselt midagi viga…kui teile meeldib 1970-1980 vibe ja sisekujundus. Aaah, see helkiv surikaatidega wc-poti kaas, et ma sellest pilti ei teinud! Positiivse poole pealt asus see korter Lena Baari lähedal. Lena Baar oli selline, millest me iga päev mööda kõndisime ja vaatasime, et küll on kummalised inimsed seal ees suitsu tegemas. Viimasel päeval kui õhtusöögilt koju jalutasime, möödusime jälle Lena Baarist. “Lähme vaatame ikka üle, sest tõenäosus on, et me ei satu siia enam kunagi oma elus,” mõtlesime me. 1980-aastate saksa pornot teate? Noh need inimesed seal olid umbes samasuguse välimusega nagu klassikalistes saksa xxx filmides. Bakenbardid, vuntsid, pikad juuksed (meestel), nahkvestid. Me jõime ühe õlle ja läksime igaks juhuks koju ära. Kolmadaks on Köln ise üks kummaline linn. Ei üks ega teine. Nagu aeg oleks ka kogu linnas seisma jäänud. Välja arvatud katedraal, mis tõesti avaldab muljet.

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Neljandaks, mess oli küll lahe, aga kui sul on kodus maailma kõige lahedam laps (kui ta ei karju) ja suht okei mees, siis hakkad neist puudust tundma. Seda enam, et juba järgmine nädal lendan ma jälle minema, tulen korraks vahetan kohvris pesu ära ja lendan uuesti minema. Viiendaks, väsimus. See jõhker väsimus, mis tuleb peale kui oled messiga ühele poole saanud. Nüüd tahaks küll koju!

Aga ei saa. Esimese lennuni on ikka veel kolm tundi aega (ma olen kolm tundi juba lennujaamas istunud!) ja teine lend jõuab Tallinnasse alles peale südaööd. Kuidagi tuleb aega sisustada. Jagan teiega mõnda oma lemmik-standi Orgatecilt. Disaini ja innovatiivsust ja lihtsalt ägedaid asju oli metsikult. Jama oli ka palju, aga sellele ma isegi ei viitsi keskenuda, meie saime teada, et me oleme, ilma liialdamata, väljas maailma parima tootega, omas valdkonnas. See teeb nats uhkeks küll.

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Loook Industries toodet uudistades sain ma tuttavaks nende müügidirektori Paulaga. Ülichill kuju oli. Ütles, et proovi aga, kuidas on teha väikene power nap keset metsikut möllu ja jumal, kus ma oleks tahtnud sinna pikemaks vedelema jääda. Nii mõnus oli! Mõtlesin, et kodus võiks selline koht olla, et lähed viskad end pikali, paned klapid pähe ja põgened reaalsusest. Jaa, muidugi saab seda kodus teha ka tavalisel diivanil, aga saate ju aru küll, see pole see ja no toode pole ka koju mõeldud. Massaaži ka ei tee tavadiivan. Lennujaamades kuluks küll täiega marjaks ära, ja kontorites. Kihvt värk! Rääkisime Paulaga, et kust mina olen ja kust nemad on ja mis tuli välja…toode on osaliselt ka Eesti päritoluga. Toodetakse Tartus. “Ma ei tea, kuidas seda kohta hääldada, aga sain aru, mis linna ma mõtlesin?” küsis ta. “Kylla, kylla,” vastasin mina, “ma olen Tartust pärit. Naersime. “Kui me järgmisel nädalal Tartusse läheme, siis ma kindlasti küsin sult, mida külastada ja kuhu minna.” Uued tutvused ja kontaktid ning suhtlus on see osa, mis mulle messidel täiega meeldib.

N.A.P. – ist võite huvi korral lugeda rohkem nende kodulehelt.

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Iseenesestmõistetavalt kuulub aga minu süda Silenile. Meil käis standist läbi selline rahvas, et ise ka ei usu. Suhtled, räägid, viskad nalja ja pärast vaatad visiitkaardilt, kellega sa nalja tegid ja suhteid lõid. Mõni kontakt oli uskumatum kui teine. Ka pole mitte äge, kuidas ühest suhtkoht nalja pärast tööle kandideerimisest saab alguse täiesti uus hingamine ja elu?

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Orgatec 2018 is over. From one side it’s sad, because you’ve got no idea what it’s like to present a product that even the top people of the industry come and praise, honestly that is soooo cool. On the other side it is nice to get back home.

Firstly, the days in expo are really tiring. At the end of each of them, you just want to go and get some sleep, but because you haven’t eaten all day, you drag yourself into a local Schnitzel-house and eat the biggest schnitzel ever with no problem. On the very last day you go on and have 26 Kölsch beers with your colleagues and survive. You even post a picture to show off not specifying that one glass is only half a pint.

Secondly, we got ripped off with our apartment. We booked it in Airbnb and on pictures it looked decent enough. To be fair, there wasn’t anything specifically wrong with it … if you enjoy the vibe and deco from the 70’s and 80’s. Oh, and I forgot to take a photo of that special shiny toilet seat. On a positive note, the apartment was very close to Bar Lena. Bar Lena was a place we walked pass every day and wondered how weird people are standing and smoking in front of it. On the last day, after walking back from our dinner, we passed it again and decided to go in. “Let’s just check it out, the likelihood that we will never come back here is too high.” Are you familiar with German porn from the 80’s? Well, the people in there were pretty much a classical example of the characters in German XXX films. Sideburns, moustaches, long hair (on men), leather vests. We had one beer and went home, just in case.

Thirdly, Cologne is one strange city. You can’t really figure it out. Seems like the time has stopped in the whole city. Except  for the cathedral, that IS impressive.

Fourthly, the expo was awesome, but if you have the coolest child at home (when she is not screaming) and quite okay man, you will start to miss them. Not to forget the fact, that I am flying away yet again in couple of days. Just popping in to change the content of my suitcase and I’m off.

Fifthly tiredness. That horrible tiredness that hits you once the expo is over. Now I’m ready for home!

But no I still have 3 hours until my first flight (I’ve already been in the airport for three hours) and the second flight lands in Tallinn after midnight. I need to do something to fight with boredom so I’m sharing some of my favorite stands from Orgatec. There was a lot of design and innovation and just very cool things. A lot of crap too, but I couldn’t be bothered to concentrate on that. We found out that, without exaggeration, we have the best product of our industry. That DOES make me feel proud!  

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While checking the product by Loook Industries, I got to know their sales director Paula. Very chill person. Urged me to try what it feels like to have a quick power-nap in the middle of loud noise. I wish, I could have stayed there longer, it was amazing. I was thinking that I could have a place like this at home where you can go lye down, put your headphones on and escape from reality. Of course you can do it on a couch as well, but you know what I mean, this is not the same and well this product is not meant to homes anyway. Your couch at home doesn’t perform any massage either. But in airports, offices, I can definitely see it there. We spoke with Paula where I am from and where they are and turned out … that product is partly from Estonia as it’s been produced in Tartu. “I don’t know how to pronounce the place, but did you understand which city I am talking about?” she asked. “Yes, yes, I am from Tartu” We laughed. “When we visit Tartu next time, I will definitely as where to go and what to see!” New people and contacts, communication – this is the part I really like about expos.

If you are interested, you can read more about NAP from their website.

But without a doubt, my heart belongs to Silen. We had so many people visiting our stand, it was unbelievable. You talk, communicate, make a joke and only later read from the business card, who was that person you just spoke. Some of the conversations you can’t believe just happened. One is more unbelievable than other. Isn’t it just amazing when one moment you applying for a position just for fun and that leads you to the beginning of new life and breathing.

 

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Tänapäeva kratid//Modern Leprechauns

Sõbrannaga eile lobisedes jõudsime arvamusele, et keegi võiks inimeste lollusest ja ahnusest kirjutada raamatu. Ühtäkki tuli meile meelde, et keegi on seda juba teinud. Kivirähk on „Rehepapi“ juba kirjutanud. „Aga ta ongi nagu tänapäeva kratt, kes igast aidast midagi kokku krahmab, peaasi, et oleks rohkem ja uhkem,“ naersime me ühe avaliku elu tegelase üle, kes oma ahnuses on kaotanud taju reaalsusega ja ei adu enam seost pärismaailmaga.

Hommikul lugesin ma Postimehest Vilja Kiisleri intervjuud Laine Randjärvega. Me kõik mäletame alles hiljuti, kuidas ta vastu rinda tagus ja rääkis, kuidas ta 12 südamega tehtud tööaasta eest on 21000- eurose hüvitise ära teeninud. Selleks pidi ta ainult natuke oma uude ametisse asumisega ootama, sest oleks ta asunud tööle nii nagu sooviti ehk veebruaris oleks ta riigikogu liikme volitused lõppenud enne tähtaega põhiseaduse järgi „asumisega mõnda teise riigiametisse.“ Hüvitisest oleks ka ilma jäänud. Ostige lolli, kes ei kardaks kolli, kui on kollil raha maitse suus. Loomulikult soovis Randjärv ametisse astuda peale volituste lõppemist, et ka moodsa kratina enne taskud varandust täis toppida. Mis aga juhtus? Proua läks ülbeks ja kaotas vassimise pärast uue töökoha SA Eesti Kontserdi juhina. Aga vassimine on nii hinges, et nüüd on aeg märtrit mängida. Tal ei olnud plaanigi 21 000 eurost hüvitist vastu võtta, tema Facebooki postitus täitis hoopis muud eesmärki ja inimesed said valesti aru, sest poliitiku kuvand on juba selline stereotüüpne. „Ma ei oleks seda hüvitist saanudki,“ raiub ta, sest leping oleks ikka enne volituste lõppemist allkirjastatud. Jube jama, et riigikogus ebaadekvaatsed juristid töötavad, sest nemad teavad kommenteerida, et määrav ei ole lepingu sõlmimise, vaid töökohal alustamise kuupäev.

Laine Randjärvest on oma lolluse tõttu saanud ahnuse võrdkuju. Nii ka eelpoolmainitud avaliku elu tegelasest. Lollus ja ahnus ei sobi ühte võrrandisse. On veel üks tark Eesti vanasõna – uhkus ajab upakile, narrus neljakäpukile. Vana aja inimesed olid ikka targad! Moodsad kratid on ahnusest ja raha hiilgusest pimestatuna nõus maha müüma oma väärikuse, lisaks jääb neil õigust ülegi – nemad on kannatajad, nendele on liiga tehtud. Ei ole teile liiga tehtud, ei ole. Teie oma lollus hammustab teid tagumikust.

Mitte et ma arvaks nüüd, et Laine Randjärv Töötukassa poole hakkab oma samme seadma või teine mainutud isik puu alla elama koliks, nad jätkavad samamoodi ühes või teises tasuvas ametis. Sest kõik müügiks. Ja mina leian end aina enam mõttelt, et peaks ka poliitikasse minema. Ma ei tee nalja, ma räägin tõsiselt. Ma olen sama loll kui pooled riigikogu liikmed, ma võiks sama edukalt teha nägu, et mu eesmärk oleks midagi muuta ja ära teha. Oot, aga tegelikult ma tahakski midagi muuta ja ära teha? Samas Tanel Talve tahtis ka. No vähemalt saaks ma endale auto osta, sest minu autol läks just kojameeste mootor katki. Vihmase ja lumise ilmaga nii kaugele ei sõua. Kuluhüvitisi ja kohtumisi valijatega oleks  hädasti vaja.

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We were chatting with my girlfriend when we agreed that somebody should write a book about people’s greed and stupidity. Suddenly I remembered that we already have a book that talk about this topic – written by Kivirähk. We were laughing over one member of public about how “he is like modern leprechaun, who crabs hold on to whatever he can, as long as he gets more.” The person has lost his sense of reality because of his greed and cannot understand what is happening in the real world.

In the morning a read an article with one of our former MP Laine Randjärv. I think everyone remembers how not so long ago she justified how she deserves the 12000 euro compensation for the hard work she has done for the past 12 years. To get that, she only had to wait s little bit longer before starting at her new position. If she would start in February, her position as MP would have ended before the time because of “starting in another public position” according to the constitution. She would have not be entitled to receive the compensation anymore. Show me somebody who is fool enough to give up that kind of money? Of course she wanted to start after her time as MP was over, so she could fill her pockets to the max. What happened instead? Well, the missis got a bit too greedy and lost her new position as the head of Estonian Concert because of her games. And now it’s time for her to play a martin. Apparently, she had NO intention to accept the 12000 compensation, her Facebook post was written for totally other reasons and people have misunderstood her, because politicians have the traditional “bad reputation”. She keeps repeating that she “would have not received that compensations” as the contract would have signed before her time as MP had ended. So sad that we have incompetent lawyers working in the parliament as according to them, it is about when you start on the new position and not when you sign the contract.

Because of her stupidity, Laine Randjärv has now become the face of greed. So has the fore mentioned member of public. Modern leprechauns are so blinded by greed and money that they are willing to sell their dignity and what’s even worse – they see themselves as victims! No, you are not the victims. It’s payback time by your own stupidity.

I am not saying that Laine Randjärv will go and claim social benefits or the member of public will become homeless, they will probably find new positions to fill. Because everything is for sale. Which makes me think more often that maybe I should become a politician too. I’m not kidding here. I am as stupid as half of the MP’s, I could as easily pull a face that I want to change something. Wait, but I actually want to change don’t I? At least I could buy myself a new car as on the current one the wipers just stopped from working. I won’t get far in it sif it’s raining or snowing. I desperately need some expenses to be reimbursed and meetings with voters.

 

Aga mida te ikka seal Norras nii tihti teete?//Still, why do you go to Norway that often?

Nii küsis minult mu sõbranna eile. Vastasin, et käime lasteaias. “Ja vaid selle pärast käitegi?” imestas ta. Vastasin jaatavalt. Ma tean ise ka, et see tundub loogikavastane, et Eestis elades käib Ida Norras lasteaias, aga see tundub loogikavastane teistele, meie pere jaoks on see normaalsus ja teadlik otsus, otsus on meie arvates ka õige olnud. “Kui tohib küsida, milles see õigsus seisneb?” küsis mu sõbranna.

See on tegelikult hästi lihtne. Esiteks keeleoskus. Jah, ma näen, et Ida ei oska (enam) samal tasemel keelt kui teised lapsed ja ma usun, et tal mõnikord võib ka raske olla, kuid see ei ole tekitanud temas soovi mitte lasteaias käia. Mõnikord ta on lihtsalt häbelikum ja mõnikord ütlebki, et ma ei oska ju norra keelt, teine päev aga ütleb, et oskab keelt ja muudkui uurib mult, kuidas üht või teist asja öelda. Ma usun, et ma tunnen oma last nii palju, et saaksin aru kui keel talle nii palju stressi tekitaks, et ta ei tahaks lasteaeda minna. Täna näiteks pidime me minema hambaarstile ja seega ka tegema lasteaiavaba päeva, aga ennelõunat selgus, et arst pidi aja tühistama. “Aga siis ma saan ju lasteaeda minna!” ütles ta rõõmsalt. Kuna me kodus vaatame, loeme ja kuulame palju norra keelt, siis ma olen arvamusel, et see keel jääb talle kuhugile ajusoppi ning tulevikus kui tal on soov seda õppida, on see lihtsam. Mitte et ma oleks keeleteadlane, aga ma vaatan enda pealt. Kui mul ikka on vaja, siis ma saan vene keeles suheldud, kuigi koolist ja keeleõppest on möödas…issand ma enam ei tea palju aastaid. 20?

Täitsa lõpp kui ilus ja soe oktoober on praegu. 17 kraadi pole paha

Teiseks on Friskuste aasta lasteaia kõige erilisem aasta. Suur osa ajast veedetakse erinevaid asju õppides/proovides. Alles hiljuti käisid lapsed mägedes matkamas. Ja kui ma ütlen matkamas, siis ma mõtlen ikka päriselt matkamas – seljakotid seljas, matkasaapad jalas ja mägedesse. Okei, Nevelfjell on üsna lihtne ja lauge, aga siiski 1089m, lastele täiesti paras alustuseks. Eelmine kord kui siin olime, külastasid nad ronimiskeskust ja jällegi vaatasin pärast pilte ning imestasin, kui kõrgele ja kui julgelt lapsed ronisid (loomulikult turvavarustusega). Sel nädalal külastasid nad ühe õpetaja lapsepõlvekodu ning said näha, kuidas lehma lüpstakse ning tutvuda maatöödega. Pole vist vaja öelda, et lapsed olid vaimustusest sillas. Iga nädal käivad nad kohalikus ujulas ujumas ning iga päev veedavad nad osa päevast lasteaia lähedal metsas, turnides. See on nii eriline aasta ja iga laps, kes on FUS lasteaias käinud, peaks saama osa ka Friskuse aastast, viimasest aastast. Järgmisel aastal lähevad nad juba kooli (muide, Ida rühmast lähevad paar last kooli viie-aastaselt).

Ma näengi kui palju rõõmu ja elevust need tegevused lapsele pakuvad ja sellepärast ei ole isegi küsimust, et ma ei viitsiks või jõuaks või jaksaks veel juunikuuni niimoodi pendeldada kahe riigi vahel. Tööd ja pereelu see ei sega, nii et meie jaoks oli ainuõige otsus lasta Idal olla ka Friskus.

Mees, kelle süles Ida istub, ei ole mu teine, Norra mees, vaid Ida rühma õpetaja. Hästi tore on mu meelest, et selles lasteaias on päris palju meesõpetajaid.

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Lasteaed sai 10-aastaseks ja seda tähistati korraliku rock-kontserdiga

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Naljakas vahejuhtum ka. Meiega ühes rongis ja ühes vagunis sõitsid Oslost Lillehammerisse ka kaks eesti keelt kõnelevat daami. Mingi hetk segas Ida mul töötegemist ja ma käratasin talle, et kui ta kohe ei jäta jonnimist, siis ma viskan ta rongist maha. Asi polegi selles, et seda kuulsid ka eesti keelt kõnelevad naised (ma ju teadsin et nad rongis on), naljakaks tegi asja see, et nad olid lasteaia õpetajad Ida Lillehammeri lasteaia Eesti sõpruslasteaiast. Rääkisin lasteaias õpetajatele ka kui ebapedagoogiline ema ma olen ja pealegi ega Norras ei ole naljaasi selliseid lauseid visata, lastekaitse ei ole siin naljaasi, eriti kui oled välismaalane hoitakse su tegevustel silma peal kiivalt. See selleks.

Ühe päeva veetsid need Eesti õpetajad ka Ida rühmas ja nii palju kui ma nendega rääkisin ning õpetajad ise rääkisid, siis on selline sõprussuhe mõlemale lasteaiale kasuks tulnud. Rohkem oleks selliseid sõpruslasteaedasid vaja.

Igaks juhuks ütlen, et Ida ei jonni siin pildil, vaid ootab bussi. ta ei viitsinud püsti seistes oodata.

Lõpetuseks ka üks valus teema, millele peaks mõtlema. Lugesin seda artiklit, et paljud Eesti lapsed on lasteaias 12 tundi ja ma ei suuda välja mõelda, mida ja kuidas ja kas saaks muuta. Ida on ka olnud seitse hommikul lasteaias, sest mõlemal oli vaja tööle jõuda ja olnud kell seitse viimane laps, sest me ei saanud töölt varem ära. Õnneks on seda muidugi juhtunud harva, aga siiski. See on tegelikult ju kohutav.Mida saaks muuta, et lapsed ei peaks nii pikalt lasteaias olema?

Norras viin ma Ida lasteaeda 8 paiku ja lähen järele nii nagu enamus 15-16 vahel, 1730 on lasteaed kinni, seega ka parima (st halvima?) tahtmise juures ei ole võimalik lapsele teha rohkem kui üheksatunniseid lasteaia päevi, lisaks on paljudel tavaks reedeti lastele lasteaiavaba päev anda, rääkimata siis sellest, et  ON ette nähtud, et laps peab saama suvel ja talvel puhata. Kuidas ja kuna jõuaks Eesti nii kaugele, et meie lapsed ei oleks stressis ja kurnatud ja haiged, sest nad lihtsalt saavad liiga vähe puhata? Ja see siin ei ole kivi lasteaedade kapsaaeda kui te nii välja loete mingil põhjusel, see ongi mõtteaine riigile ja tööandjatele. Mind ausalt teeb see Eesti lasteaia (ja kooli) teema mõnikord nii kurvaks. Jõuetult kurvaks, sest arvatakse et ma niisama vingumise pärast vingun. Minust saavad aru vaid need, kes on avatud uuendustele/muudatustele ja/või Eestist ära olnud.

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Still, why do you go to Norway that often?

This was a question from my friend. I told her that we are going to nursery. “And that is the only reason?” she couldn’t stop wondering. I told her yes. I know this all sound against any logic, that while living in Estonia, Ida goes to nursery in Norway. This doesn’t look logical to other families, but for us this is normal and a conscious decision that has justified itself. “How has it justified if you don’t mind me asking,” was my friend curious.

It’s really very simple. First of all, the language skill. Yes, I can see, that Ida cannot (anymore) speak the language to the same level as to other children and I believe it can be difficult for her sometimes, but that has not stopped her from wanting to go to nursery. Sometimes she is a bit shy, sometimes admits she can’t speak Norwegian, but the next day says she can and keeps asking me how to say different things. I think I know my child well enough to understand if the language causes stress in her and she wouldn’t want to go there anymore. For example, we were supposed to visit a dentist and have a day off from the nursery. Before lunch time it turned out thought that the appointment had to be cancelled. “But then I can go to the nursery” was Ida’s happy reaction. Since we watch, read and listen a lot of Norwegian at home, then I’m on an opinion that the language will stay somewhere deep inside her brain cells and if she wants to go and study it in the future, she would have it easier. I am not a language expert, but I look at myself. If I really need to, I will speak in Russian, though it has been an odd 20 years from school and lessons.

Secondly, being a Friskus is the most special year in the nursery. Majority of the time they spend in learning and trying different things. Recently they went hiking in the mountain. And if I say hiking, I mean proper hiking – carrying back bags, wearing hiking boots and in the mountain. Okay, Nevelfjell is fairly easy and slanting, but still 1089 meters, just enough for the kids to start off with. Last time we were here, they visited Climbing Center and while looking at the pictures afterwards I couldn’t stop but wondering, how high and boldly they climbed (wearing all the necessary gear of course). This week they visited a childhood home of one of the teachers and were able to see, how you milk a cow and get acquainted with different farm jobs. Needless to say, that the kids were absolutely thrilled. Every week they go to the local pool for swimming session and spend each day a remarkable amount of time in the local forest, climbing. This is a very special year and every child, who has been to nursery in Norway, should experience being a Friskus, the last year of nursery. Next year they will start school. By the way, couple of children from Ida’s group are starting their school at the age of five.

I can see how much joy and excitement these activities bring to her and therefore it is not even a question whether I can be bothered or have the energy to go between two countries like this until June 2019. It doesn’t affect work or home life, so it was the right decision to let Ida be a Friskus.

A funny story too. There were two Estonian ladies going from Oslo to Lillehammer in a train with us. At one point, Ida was not letting me do my work and threatened her if she didn’t stop whining, I will throw her out of the train. It’s not even about that the two ladies heard it (I already knew they were on the train), it was funny that they were nursery teachers from Estonia and their nursery in Estonia is in partnership with Ida’s Lillehammer nursery. I explained to the teachers how un-pedagogical mother I am, since you can’t just throw sentences like this up in the air in Norway. Child protection is everywhere and if you are a foreigner, you will be kept a close eye on. Well that’s that.

These teachers spent one day with Ida’s group too and as much as I spoke to them and they told me, this sort of partnership between nurseries has benefited both sides. We should really have more partnerships like this.

To finish off one painful subject to think about. I read an article about children spending 12 hours in the nursery and that made me think what, how and if we could do something to change this. There have been occasions when Ida is the first one to arrive to her group at 7AM, because we both had to arrive to work very early and last one to leave at 7PM, because we couldn’t finish early enough. Luckily these have been very rare occasions, but still. What could we change that children shouldn’t stay so long in the nursery?

In Norway, I drop Ida off around 8AM and pick her up about 3-4PM. The nursery is closed from 5:30PM, so even if I needed or wanted, I couldn’t keep her there for more than 9 hours. A lot of the children stay home on Fridays not to mention that legally you HAVE to enable a break to the child in summer and winter time. How and when could things get as far in Estonia, so that our children will not be stressed and exhausted and ill, because they don’t get enough rest? I am not blaming the nurseries (if you think this way for whatever reason), this is a question to the government and employers. I honestly get so frustrated only by thinking how nurseries/schools are organized in Estonia. People think that I am just whining for no reason. Only those, who are opened to changes and/or been away from Estonia, would understand me.

Kuidas ma muutun?//I would have never though the boost my self-esteem might get, but the boost has been big

Tänu Perekooli Kägudele, kes mulle kogu aeg meelde tuletasid, et ma olen nii kole inimeseloom (välimuselt eelkätt), et kui pimedas vastu tuleksin ehmatan lapsed ära ja üldse oleks minust vaid aus kott peas ringi käia, sest jumala eest, kuidas üks 37aastane naine julgeb välja näha “nagu mu vanaema” ja “50+ aastane”, viskas mul kopa ette ja ma otsustasin Medemis nahakliiniku abiga end muutma hakata.  Ma oleks seda varem juba teinud, aga mingil põhjusel oli minul (ja nagu ma aru olen nüüd saanud ka paljudel teistel) eelarvamus, et botuliinisüstid, IPL fotonoorendus ja laugude korrigeerimine maksab väikese varanduse. Tegelikult on see üllatavalt odav. Oleks pidanud eelarvamuse asemel kodulehelt hindasid vaatama. “Kurjusekortsu” ja otsmiku horisontaaljoonte botuliinisüstid maksavad kokku 349 eurot. Kui mõelda kui palju maksab üks kosmeetiku juures käimine, mille tulemus (olgem ausad on vaid korraks värskem olemine), siis ei saa seda just kuigi kalliks pidada.

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Minult on küsitud hästi palju küsimusi. Eelkätt hinna kohta, mis sai juba vastuse (teistest protseduuridest, mis mind ees ootavad ja palju maksavad, räägin siis kui kord nendeni jõuab), aga ka seda kas valus ei ole. Süst on alati ebamugav, aga valus ei ole see protseduur kindlasti mitte. Esimesed tulemused olid näha kolme päeva pärast ja alguses oli äärmiselt imelik tunne, et otsmiku liigutada ei saanud, aga sellega harjub hästi kiiresti ära.  Meil on kodus nüüd inside joke, et ma teeks imestunud nägu, aga ma ei saa. Kurjuse korts on veel näha, aga see hakkab ka vaikselt ära kaduma, nii et varsti ei saa ma ka kurja nägu teha.

Mult on küsitud, et kas ma ei karda, et olen oma organismi lasknud panna midagi, mis sinna ei kuulu, et kas ma ei karda, et sellel võivad olla mingid tagajärjed. Ma ütlen ausalt, et ma usun, et need kogused on mikroskoopilised ja pealegi kui lugeda uudiseid siis üle päeva muutub midagi tervisele kahjulikuks. Ma ei oska karta. Praekartul pidavat ka vähki tekitama.

Üks natuke naljakas küsimus oli, et kas ma ei kartnud nahakliinikusse minna, et seal töötavad kindlasti beibed, kes kõikidesse, kes imekaunid ei ole, suhtuvad üleolekuga. Suhtumine selles nahakliinikus oma klientidesse on käsi südamel nii meeldiv, et juba selle pärast tasub sinna minna. Toredad, sõbralikud ja äärmiselt professionaalsed inimesed. Ma isegi ei tea, kust inimestel selline naljakas eelarvamus tulla võis.

Minult on küsitud ka, et miks ma midagi ei teinud oma siniste silmaaluste ja suu ümbruse vagudega. Teate, sellega on selline veider lugu, et mu välimuses on otseselt häirinud mind vaid mu rasked silmalaud ja hambad, ma ei ole end otseselt vana ja koledana tundnud, päriselt. Kosmeetikud ja juuksurid on mind vajadusel suutnud piisavalt üles tuunida ja argipäevadel…noh argipäevadel ei pannud ma ise tähele kui kole ma olin. Random fakt: ma ei kasuta igapäevaselt juba aastaid jumestus- ja peitekreeme, kuigi nende abil saaksin ma end ka igapäevaselt kõiksugu kägudele välimuselt vastuvõetavamaks muuta. Mulle meeldib argipäeviti suhteliselt loomulik olla, nii säilib ka mingi põnevus kui on vaja mõne ürituse jaoks end üles lüüa. Mis mulle Medemises ka meeldis oli see, et nad küsisid, mis mind ennast kõige rohkem häirib ja ei hakanud midagi juurde soovitama, mida jällegi paljud on eeldanud, et igal pool raha teenimise eesmärgil tehakse. “Me teeme täpselt nii palju kui klient soovib, ” oli nende kindel seisukoht, “kui hiljem klient leiab, et tahab midagi veel korrigeerida, siis alati saab kõike juurde teha, kuid esimese asjana on meie mõte välimus hoida võimalikult loomulik.” Mulle meeldis nende suhtumine. Ja seepärast ei ole ka mu otsmik sama sile kui 15aastasel, vaid see on loomulikult sile. Kortsud on näha, aga mitte vagudena.

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Kuigi nagu ma ütlesin, ei ole mu välimus mind ennast otseselt seganud, ma olen alati olnud enesekindel ja välimus pole kunagi mind milleski takistanud, aga jaa, kui te küsite, kuidas ma ennast nüüd peale esimest protseduuri tunnen, siis muidugi ütlen ma, et ma tunnen end paremini ja veelgi enesekindlamana. Ma ei oleks uskunud, et see nii palju enesehinnangut tõstab, aga tõstab.

Loomulikult on minult ka küsitud, et aga mis siis saab kui mõju ära kaob. Kas ma siis jäängi ennast nüüd süstima. Vaadake enne ja pärast pilte! Need vist räägivad enda eest. Muidugi jään ma edaspidigi neid süste tegema. Aga kas ma sõltuvust ei karda? Nooh, ega kunagi ei saa 100% kindlusega ju öelda, et ma mingi hetk peast lolliks ei lähe, samas ma ise arvan, et ma olen üsna adekvaatse reaalsustajuga inimene. Pealegi kui rääkida moes olevatest suurtest tagumikest ja suurtest huultest, siis need mõlemad on mul looduse poolt piisavalt lopsakad, et end juba loomulikult moodsana tunda.

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After the constant negative comments at me in our infamous forum Perekool, where I was constantly reminded how ugly I looked, that if you were to meet me in the dark, I would scare the children off. Or I should really be walking around with a bag around my head, because honestly, how does a 37-year old woman dare to look like “my grandmother” and “a 50+ years”. I just had enough at one point and decided to make some changes with the help of Medemis Clinic. I would have done it earlier, but for some reason I was (and now I can see a lot of people were) prejudice that botulinum injection, IPL Photo Rejuvenation and Correction of upper eyelids would cost a small fortune. Surprisingly they are fairly cheap. Instead of being prejudice, I should have just check the pricelist on their website. Getting rid of the frown and horizontal forehead lines costs only 349 euros. If you think how much it costs to get your facial done for just one time, whereas the result is as much permanent as feeling fresh for about an hour, I can’t say it is expensive.

I have been asked many questions about this topic. Mostly about the price which I already told (I will tell more about the other procedures and costs once I have received them). But also whether it is painful. Injection is always uncomfortable, but the procedure itself is not painful. I could see the results already in three days and to be fair, it felt really weird not being able to move your forehead, but you get used to it quickly. We have an inside joke now at home, where I am asked to look surprised, but I can’t. You can still see the frown lines, but these have started to disappear too, so soon I won’t be able to pull an angry face either.

I have been asked whether I am not afraid that after having put something into my body that doesn’t belong there, I might suffer from some consequence. I’m being honest here, by believing that the quantities injected into my body are just too small to have any effect in that sense. Besides, every day there is news about something becoming dangerous to your body. I am not afraid, I don’t know how. They say fried potato can cause cancer too.

There was one funny question about the people working in the clinic – wasn’t I afraid that they will all be tuned up babes, who look down to anyone who is not looking picture perfect. Trust me, that clinic is very kind towards its customers and that alone is a reason enough to visit them. Nice, friendly and very professional staff. I don’t even know, why would anyone think like that.

I have been asked why haven’t I done anything with my blue lower eyelids and corners of the mouth. Well, the funny thing is, that the only area in my face, that has ever bothered me, are my upper eyelids and my teeth. I have never really felt old and tired. If needed,  I have always been scrubbed up by professionals and on normal days … well, I didn’t realize, how ugly I was. Here is some useless information for you – I have not been using foundation for years now though, that would probably make me look much more presentable. I like to look fairly natural in my daily life so when there is an occasion, there is something to look forward to. What I also like about Medemis, is that at the very beginning they asked what was bothering myself the most and didn’t start to suggest more procedures. Contrary to yet another prejudice, when people think this is what clinic do to make more money. “We do as much as the client wishes” is their principle “and if the clients wants to do something more later, it is a possibility. But first and foremost we’d like to keep the appearance as natural as possible.” I like their attitude. And this is why my forehead is not as smooth as a 15-year old would have, but it is naturally smooth. You can see the wrinkles, but they are not as deep.

Although I have said before, that my looks have never really bothered me, I have always been self-confident and my appearance has never stopped me from doing something, I must admit, that after having the first procedure done, I do feel better and even more self-confident. I would have never though the boost my self-esteem might get, but the boost has been big.

Of course I have also been asked, what happens if the injections wear off. Do I need to receive the injections for the rest of my life? Look at the before and after pictures, they speak for themselves! Obviously I will keep receiving the injections. Aren’t I afraid to get addicted? You can never say with a 100% confidence that I will never loose my senses, but I’d like to think I am quite adequate and realistic person. If you hint at the big butts and lips that are in fashion at the minute, then I have them quite lush by nature so I am fashionable already.

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The mental benefits of the sound of silence

Leidsin ühe põneva artikli ja kuna eelmise teemaga läheb nats kokku ka, siis jagan seda teiega ka. Inglisekeelne kahjuks:

This is part of a series looking at micro skills – changes that employees can make to help improve their health and life at work and at home, and employers can make to improve the workplace. The Globe and Mail and Morneau Shepell have created theEmployee Recommended Workplace Award to honour companies that put the health and well-being of their employees first. Register for 2018 atwww.employeerecommended.com.

Did you know that silence is good for your mental health?

Noise is all around most of us for all our waking moments, from the hum of a computer, fans, people and traffic to airplanes landing. Pause for a moment and listen closely to what you hear. Take note as you focus on the different sounds what happens inside of you. If anything changes as you bring the sound forward, you may become distracted until you tune it out again.

Nick Seaver, who does the TEDx talk called The Gift of Silence, begins by displaying 18 seconds of silence to set up the story of where he and his wife spent 18 months in silence. He purports that silence and solitude are the worst form of punishment, because people are left alone with their own minds. Would you agree? Do you find it hard to stop and find quiet and enjoy pure silence?

This micro skill promotes the value of silence. Some may think that we like background noise because we find it soothing. This may be true; however, if the brain is actively processing noise it’s working and as a result it doesn’t get a chance to turn off, rest and reset.

Silence is different than sleep; it’s akin to meditation for the brain. However, different than meditation, we’re left alone to process our thoughts.

It can be hard to escape noise to find silence. Silence is the absence of noise. Adding silence to your day can increase your creativity and decision making that can assist you to solve daily challenges to keep you on track to your desired goals.

One study reported that just two minutes of silence a day can – for some – be more relaxing and helpful than listening to relaxing music. Another study found that increasing periods of silence helps the brain generate new brain cells that can positively support mental health.

Awareness

First, see how difficult it is for you to find a quiet space with the absence of any noise. Once you get there, set your watch for two minutes of silence where you sit in quiet and relax. If you find this difficult, that’s fine. The real first step to adopting silence is noticing it. The more you do, the more likely your brain will be grateful, as well as you and the people around you. Practicing silence is a form of mindfulness where you’re aware and in the moment, open to just pause from the world of noise, and allowing your brain some resources and space. In these moments, you may find more clarity.

Accountability

When some people are learning skills like silence or mindfulness, their brain may not co-operate, resulting in some tension and the brain firing off a mini alarm: “I forgot to call Mary back; I need to text her now that I will call in the morning.”

This micro skill requires practice, patience and the self-discipline that you will accept your first thought. For example, “For the next two minutes I’m going to sit in silence and the world can wait.”

Action

Creating silence action steps:

· Begin with preparation – Determine where your quiet spot will be, and have all distractions like cell phones and telephones turned off. Safe ear plugs and noise cancellation headphones may be helpful for finding silence.

· Set a silence target – Start with short silence sprints of two to three minutes, and build from there.

· Be still and silent – Get into a comfortable position with your eyes open, gazing down at the floor, and allow your mind to do as it pleases. Set no rule other than being still and silent for the targeted silence session. There’s no need for pressure; this isn’t a pass or fail, just silence.

· Ignore the impulse for stimuli – Commit to your silence target without checking texts, e-mail or reading. Just be still and silent with your thoughts. Keep it simple; no distractions.

· Stop and re-enter your world – Once your time is up, get on with your day. With pressure gone, notice how you may have remembered a name you were looking for, found a solution to a particular problem or felt more relaxed after the silence session. This can help your critical conscious brain see the benefits. The more you practice, the more you’ll notice how silence can help you gain new perspectives that were not possible with all the stimuli and noise around you.

ALGALLIKAS: The Globe and Mail

One solution for finding a quiet place to increase your creativity and decision making is Silen Space 

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Foto: K. Haagen

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Foto: K. Haagen

Kas laupäevaõhtused külaskäigud jäävadki lapse ümber keerlema?//Saturday nights and Peter Rabbits

Mingi aeg tagasi kirjutas Marimell, et neil on sõpradega nii vedanud, et kõikidele meeldib Hedoniga mängida ja aega veeta, et kui on külalised, siis ei ole vahet, kes temaga parasjagu tegeleb. See väide tekitas minus vastakaid tundeid. Meil on ka vedanud, et meie sõpradele meeldib Idaga tegeleda, kuigi olgem ausad, ma ei suudaks ka väga sõber olla inimestega, kellele mu laps ei meeldiks, ja milline sõber üldse ütleks, et kuule ma tuleks küll külla, aga su laps käib mulle ilgelt närvidele.

Ida on ainus laps ja  mina see halb vanem, kes piisavalt temaga ei meisterda ja ei mängi, nii et on täiesti arusaadav, et ta muutub hüperaktiivseks, edvistavaks ja tahab tähelepanu kui keegi külla tuleb. Kõige hullemaks muutub ta koos Jaagupi, Klaudia ja mu õega. Mitte halvas mõttes tegelikult, ta lihtsalt fännab neid ja ootab neid külla, et kui nad lõpuks kohale jõuavad, siis ripub ta neil seljas ja kaelas, tahab nendega mängida, nendele kõiki oma asju näidata.

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Üks osa minust tahab Idat kogu aeg keelata, sest ma ei taha, et ta need inimesed surmani ära tüütab. Teine osa minust mõtleb, et nad on ju suured inimesed ja oskavad ise su lahti teha ning öelda kui nad enam ei viitsi. Kolmas osa minust kahtleb, et aga äkki nad ei julge. Neljas osa minust muutub mugavaks ja naudib seda, et ma ei pea ise jooksma iga Ida soovi peale. Viies osa minust muutub ülbeks ja ütleb Idale, et mine, las Klaudia/Jaagup/Marian aitab sind. Kuues osa minust on tüdinenud, et kõik mu täiskasvanud sõprade külaskäigud keerlevad ümber lapse. Ma saan aru, et kui üks ainus laps on täiskasvanute seltskonnas, siis paratamatult läheb suur osa tähelepanust lapsele, aga püha jeesus see on ju nii tüütu. Jällegi, mitte otseselt halvas mõttes, aga…Ma ei oska seda isegi seletada, toon ühe näite.

Meil olid eile külalised. Loomulikult tähendas see seda, et Ida edvistas ja eputas ning tahtis nende tähelepanu, me rääkisime lasteaiast, trennidest, laste iseloomudest, Ida naljadest, mina sain rahulikumalt istuda ja veini juua, samal ajal kui mu õde pidi trepist üles ja alla jooksma, sest Ida tahtis talle 789364982 asja näidata. Ei saa ju tegelikult pahaks panna ja tegelikult oli ju väga tore. Ausalt, mul ei ole midagi selle vastu, et laupäeva õhtul plastiliinist kooki süüa ja “Peeter Pikk-kõrva” vaadata, kõik me vaatasime seda hea meelega (hea, et mu sõbrad-tuttavad-pere on laias laastus sama lapsemeelne kui mina, kes multikaid ja koguperefilme naudib), kuid osake minust tunneb puudust sellest ajast kui laupäevaõhtu ei keerelnud vaid ümber lapse ja multikate. Muidugi on siin kindlasti oluline osa sellel, et me laseme Idal sellistes situatsioonides füürer olla (issand, ärge hakkake mind siin selle sõna kasutuse pärast kasvatama), aga ma ÜHE lapse vanemana mõistan Idat.  Muidugi on tal üksinda igav, muidugi ta tahab tähelepanu.  Ma peaks rohkem lastega sõpradel-tuttavatel paluma külas käia, sest ma olen tõesti ise kehv mängija ning teengi sellega endale karuteene kui täiskasvanud sõbrad külla tulevad, aga ega siin metsas elamisel on ka oma miinused. Kes see viitsib tund aega sõita? Meie ühed parimad (samavanuse lapsega) sõbrad elavad Meriväljal. No reaalselt kaugemale enam ei saaks ju sõita külla! Ja ega need Tallinnas elavad sõbrad ka liiga lähedal ei ole. Muidugi, puhas laiskus minu poolt, aga teate kui ma pool oma ajast veedan reisides (eriti tihedad tulevad nüüd järgnevad kuud), siis ma tahan kodus olla. OMA kodus.

No vot. Nii tekibki olukord, et kui tulevad külalised, keerleb 70% ajast ümber Ida. Ega ma ei taha see kanaema olla, kes vaid lapsest räägib ja ega ma ei taha oma tuttavaid-sõpru ära tüüdata lapsega, aga üksiku lapse sündroom + laisa/mugava vanema sündroom löövad välja. Kas nüüd ongi nii, et kuna on üks laps, siis külaskäigud jäävadki lapse ümber keerlema? Kui ma ennast ei muuda?

//

A little while back one blogger wrote how they are very lucky to have friends who enjoy spending time and playing with their son Hedon and when they have guests, it doesn’t matter who is occupied with him at any particular moment. This statement gave me mixed emotions. We are lucky too to have friends who love spending time with Ida, but let’s be honest, I can’t really be friends with a person who didn’t like my child. What sort of friend would say anyway that “he would gladly come over, but my kid is really annoying?”

Ida is an only child and I am that bad parent, who doesn’t do different DYI projects with her or play different games, so it is understandable that she becomes hyperactive, starts to show off and seeks for attention when we have guests over. She gets the worse with Jaagup, Klaudia and my sister. Not in a bad way, but she is a really big fan of them and cannot wait for their visit so when they do finally arrive, she is glued to them, wants to play with them the whole time and show every single thing she has.

One part of me wants to restrain her all the time, because I don’t want her to get on people’s nerves. But then I think we are talking about adults and they are capable of opening their mouth and say when they have had enough. Another part of me wonders if they dare to say anything, but I must admit, I do enjoy when I don’t have to run for every single wish she has. A part of me becomes arrogant and tells her to go Jaagub/Klaudi/ Marian to get help. And then I become fed up with the fact that all my adult friends are buzzing around her when they come for a visit. I can understand that as an only child surrounded by adults, she will get the majority of attention, but my god … HOW annoying is that? Again, not in a bad way, but … I cannot even explain, I’ll describe a situation.

We had guests last weekend. Of course it meant Ida showing off and looking for their attention. We spoke about nursery, afterschool activities, children’s characters, Ida’s jokes. I was able to sit and have a glass of wine while my sister was running up and down the stairs, because Ida had something to show her all the time. You can’t really blame her and all in all the evening turned out really well. Honestly, I have nothing against eating playdough cake and watch cartoons on Saturday evening, we all enjoyed “Peter the Rabbit” (I’m glad my friends still have their inner child with them), but a part of me misses the times when Saturday evenings wasn’t about the child and her cartoons. If I’m honest, then it is mostly because we let her act like a fyrir (please don’t start to educate me about using this word), but as a parent of ONE child I understand Ida. Of course she is bored on her own, of course she seeks for attention. I should really invite over friends with kids more often, because I really am bad when it comes to game time with Ida and it doesn’t help having grown ups here playing with her either. It’s not all fun and games when you live in the middle of a forest you know. Who can be bothered spending one hour to visit us? One of our best friends (who have a child same age as Ida), live on the other side of Tallinn. Seriously, it can’t be any further than that! And the friends living in Tallinn are not that close after all. Of course, this is mostly my laziness talking here, but if I spend half of my time travelling (especially the next few months), then I want to be home. In MY home.

So there you go, this is why we have end up in a situation, where having somebody visiting us means spending 70% of the time with Ida. I don’t want to be that mum, who only speaks about her child and I don’t want to bore my friends out with Ida, but the combo of being an only child and being a lazy/convenient parent is the reason for this all. Will Saturday evenings always be about the child from now on? If I don’t change myself?

“Aga teeme nii, et see on natuke meie kodu ka!”// One of the most wonderful places in the world

Istume Idaga hytta terrassil. “Emme, kas see on meie kodu?” küsib ta.

“Ei, see on Satu kodu, aga meie võime siin puhata,” vastan.

“Aga kunagi kui ma beebi olin, siis see oli minu kodu,” ütleb Ida ja vaatab mõtleva pilguga ringi. 

“Jah,” noogutan ma, “kui sa beebi olid, siis me elasime siin, aga tegelikult see on ikka tädi Satu kodu.”

Ida noogutab. Ütleb “mhm” ja lisab siis: “Aga teeme nii, et see on natuke meie kodu ikka ka, et siis meil kõigil on kaks kodu!”

Naiivne jutuajamine, aga samas polegi otseselt nii vale.

Meil on au, uhkus ja õnn seda imelist kohta tõepoolest poole kohaga oma koduks nimetada. Muidugi on Ussipesa meile ülekõige armas, kuid iga kord kui me hytta´sse tuleme valdab mind nii meeletu tänutunne. Tänutunne, et keegi on meid niivõrd usaldanud, et oma kodu meile koduks andnud; tänutunne, et meil on võimalus siia alati puhkama tulla; tänutunne, et me paar aastat tagasi juhuslikult saime tuttavaks inimesega, kellest sai meie pereliige või kes meid võtab kui pereliikmeid; tänutunne, et selline paik olemas on.

Ma võin ausalt öelda, et pildid ja sõnad ei anna edasi pooltki, et kirjeldada seda kui maagiline ja muinasjutuline on see paik. Iga ilmaga. Paar päeva tagasi oli päikeseline hilisuvi. Imeilus. Täna on sügistormine varasügis. Imeilus. Järgmine kord kui me siia tuleme on võib olla juba talv…

Eelmisest postitusest ajendatuna siis ma usun vaat et parem kui lehma lellepoja poolt päranduseks saadav Balil asuv villa   on see võimalus, mis meile siin on antud. Võimalus selles kohas elada ja puhata, teha siin oma mälestusi. Maailma üks imelisemaid paikasid!

//

 

We are sitting on hytta’s balcony. “Mummy, is this our home?” she asks.

 “No, this is Satu’s home, but we can have a holiday here,” I reply.

 “But when I was baby, this was my home,” says Ida and looks thoughtfully around.

 “Yes,” I nod, “when you were a baby, we lived here, but it is still aunty Satu’s home.”

 Ida nods. Says “mhm” and adds: “But let’s pretend that this is a bit our home too, so we all have two homes!”

 Very naïve conversation, that is not so wrong after all.

 We have the honor, privilege  and luck to call this place our second home. Of course, Ussipesa is above everything our favorite place, but every time we come to hytta, I feel very grateful. I am so grateful that somebody trusts us that much to give her home for us to use as our home; grateful, that we can always come here for a holiday; grateful to have met this person couple of years ago by accident, who by now has become a part of our family and who sees us as her family; grateful that this place exists.

 I can assure that the pictures and words will not be able to describe even half of HOW magical this place is. No matter what the weather is. Couple of days ago it was sunny and warm like late summer. Very beautiful. Today is stormy autumn. Very beautiful. Next time when we come, it might already be winter …

 I believe that having the opportunity to call a place like this your second home is so much more valuable than inheriting a big villa from an uncle you never knew. The opportunity to live here and relax, make our memories. One of the most wonderful places in the world.

 

 

 

Aitäh, Perekool! Siiralt aitäh!// This is why she looks 15 years older, I really though she is 45+ and not 35

Et kõik ausalt ära rääkida pean ma alustama kaugemalt. Läheme ajas tagasi nii umbes 17-18 aastat. See oli aeg kui popp oli olla pruun. Ja mitte saada pruuniks teiseks juuliks, vaid olla pruun. Kogu aeg. Päike oli mu parim sõber. Ma olin igal vabal hetkel päikse käes siruli. Päikesekaitsekreemi ei ole ma oma elus kunagi kasutanud. Tädi Helju (tark naine!) ütles mulle kogu aeg – Eveliis, ära päevita, see ei ole kasulik, nahk läheb vanaks ja kortsu. Kas ma kuulasin teda? Ei, muidugi mitte. Lisaks hakkasin ma hoopis solaariumis käima.

Umbes 18-aastaselt hakkasin ma suitsetama. Suitsetasin kuni ma rasedaks jäin. Lihtne matemaatika ütleb, see teeb 15 aastat. Ülikooli ajal olin ma kõva pidutseja. Kõik olid. Kolmapäeval, neljapäeval, laupäeval klubis. Nädalast nädalasse. Kõik käisid. Varahommikuni klubis. Natuke magada. Loengusse. Ja nii see trall kestis aastaid.

Tädi rääkis mulle, et oota kuni 35 saad, siis hakkad vananema ja nägema, mida päike ja vähene magamine teeb. Mis te arvate, mis ma talle vastasin? Pähh, suva, 35-aastaselt ma olen nii vana, et vahet enam pole, milline ma välja näen. Tunnistage ausalt, 20-aastaselt tundus teile ka, et 35-aastane on ikka jõhkralt vana.

Ootamatult sai 20-aastasest minust 37-aastane. Peegel on mul olemas ja kuigi ma enam ammu ei päevita, ei suitseta juba neli aastat, pidutsemisest ei tea ma suurt midagi, on mul nagu öeldud kodus peegel ja ma näen, et kõik see on oma jälje jätnud. Lisaks ilmselt ongi mul ka selline nahk, mis kiiremini kortsu läheb. Rasked silmalaud olen ma isapoolselt suguvõsalt pärinud. Just eile vaatasin isa pulmapilti ja kuigi ma leian, et mu isa on täiega kena mees, siis ma nägin ka oma silmalaugude tulevikku. Kortsudest ja silmalaugudest hoolimata ei ole mul enesekindlusega kunagi probleeme olnud ja nii ei ole ma end kordagi veel vanana või koledana tundnud. Muidugi olen ma mõelnud, et ühel hetkel ei välista ma ei süste ega võib olla isegi lõikusi, aga ma mõelnud selle peale veel väga. Ei lasknud end häirida. Avaliku blogijana, kelle mõnikord teravaid arvamusi loevad päevas tuhanded inimesed, kuulub minu ellu ka kriitika. Aastatega on mulle paks nahk (sõna otseses mõttes ka) selga kasvanud, suur osa asjadest läheb ühest kõrvast sisse ja teisest välja, kuid osa kriitikast paneb ikka mõtlema. Ja kui päevast päeva kuulda kommentaare oma välimuse kohta, siis see hakkab ikkagi mõjutama. Hakkadki mõtlema, et aga kui vana ma siis tegelikult teiste arvates välja näen?

Läksin ekstra õhtul Perekooli foorumisse, et mõned näited leida. Ei pidanud palju otsima, sest üks viimase aja populaarsemaid arutelusid Malluka autokooli kõrval oli just minu välimus:

  • Eks ta sellepärast on vanusest 15a vanem välja näebki, ma tõsimeeli arvasin, et tegu on 45+ inimesega, aga et 35a seda ei arvaks elus.
  • Pidev ving, irin, negativism, rahulolematus kõige ja kõigiga muudab ka inimese vanemaks.
  •  Tema on üks neist kes kohe kindlasti näeb oma east tunduvalt vanem välja. Ta ise teab seda ka ja laseb ennast enamasti päikseprillidega pildistada.
  • Ma olen sama vana, kui tema aga selline tädi küll välja ei näe.
  • Nii kaugelt näeb mu vanaema ka 35a välja
  • Karm.Mõne vastu on ikka elu väga ebaõiglane. Või on ta siis ise kõik teinud, et nii kehv välja näeb. Seda viimast ma väga ei usu, järelikult ikka totaalne ebaõnn.
  • Kaldun arvama, et Seljakoti kiire visuaalne vananemine on tulnud sellest, et ta on oma näolihased “kandnud” selliseks. Hoidnud pidevalt nägu pinges, krimpsus, mossis ja üleüldine rahulolematus – selline näolihaste hoiak ongi nüüdseks jätnud püsiva jälje näkku. Ma teeks tema asemel kodus näkku kupumassaaži või tavalist massaaži, lõdvestab lihaspinget näos.

See on vaid üks lehekülg kommentaare. Ma ei oleks kunagi uskunud, et ma ütlen  aitäh kõikidele Perekooli kägudele, sest kui te poleks mu välimust järjepidevalt kommenteerinud, ei oleks ma Medemis Clinic´u poole pöördunud. Esialgu konsultatsiooni sooviga, aga kõik läks nii kiiresti, et juba esimesel kohtumisel üleeile panime me paika, mida minu näoga teha võiks ja juba eile käisin ma esimesel protseduuril – otsmiku horisontaalkortsude ja “kurjusekortsu” botuliinisüste tegemas. Teate, mis on naljakas? Kui ma konsultatsioonile läksin, anti mulle kätte peegel ja küsiti, et mis sind siis kõige rohkem häirib. Ma pidin ausalt vastama, et tegelikult ei häirigi mind otseselt midagi, aga kuna tänapäeval on olemas kõik võimalused, et parem välja näha, siis miks kannatada kommentaare ja näha (väidetavalt) vanem välja kui 37. Kokku sai konsultatsioonil lepitud, et teeme kolm protseduuri: botuliinisüstid, korrigeerime ülalaud ja protseduuride vahele teeme ka IPL fotonoorenduse kuuri, et eemaldada pigmendilaigud ja parandada naha üldist toonust. Ajaraamiselt peaksin ma saama teile enne ja pärast pilte näidata veebruaris.

Süstide mõju peaks avalduma näha olema kahe nädala jooksul, kuid teate, ma tundsin end juba eile kuidagi uuesti sündinuna. Mul oli hea meel, et ma selle sammu ette võtsin. Marek naeris kodus, et ju mul ikka kusagil mingi silmarõõm on, et no kelle nimel ma siis nüüd pingutan, et ega ju ometi oma mehe jaoks. Osaliselt on tal õigus, et jah, esimese asjana mõtlesin ma loomulikult enda peale. Oma enesekindluse tõstmise peale. Aga võimalikest silmarõõmudest on mul ükskõik ja teine osa minust mõtles just oma mehe peale. Küllalt on neid naisi, kes keskea saabudes oma välimuse käest ära lasevad ja siis pärast krokodillipisaraid valavad, et mees teisi vaatab. Ei, minu abikaasa ei ole selline, kes vaid inimese välimust hindab, tema esimene reaktsioon oli “aga mind ei ole ju sinu kortsud kunagi häirinud?”, kuid kui silmarõõmude ja muud naljad kõrvale jätta, siis sai temagi aru, miks ma Medemisse pöördusin.

Hoidke siis nüüd pilk peal blogil kui tahate samm-sammult näha, mis edasi toimuma hakkab. Kogu teekond saab teoks tänu koostööle Medemis nahakliinikuga.

*Pealkiri on siiski kerge sarkasminoodiga öeldud. Ega see välimuse kallal tänitamine midagi tänuväärset just pole.

//

To be completely honest with you, I have to go back in time, about 17-18 years. That was the time when being tanned was pop. And not being tanned only in summer time, but to be proper dark. ALL the time. The sun was my friend. I used to sunbathe whenever I could. I was never using sun lotion. Aunty Helju (a wise woman may I add) told me all the time – Eveliis, don’t sunbathe, it’s not good for you. Your skin will get old and wrinkly. Did I listen to her? No, of course not. Instead, I started to visit sun beds more often.

At the age of about 18 I started smoking and I was doing that until becoming pregnant. Simple calculation says that was 15 years all together. In uni I was also a party animal. Everyone was. Wednesday, Thursday and Saturday night was about clubing. From week to week. Everyone was. Dancing in nightclubs until early morning. You had a couple of hours nap, then rushed into lecture. And like that for years.

Aunty warned me to wait until I turn 35, when I will start getting older and see the results of what sun and lack of sleep can do. What do you think I replied to her? Heh, I don’t care, at 35 I’m so old that it doesn’t matter how I look. Be honest, even you felt at the age of 20 that 35 is seriously old.

Before I realized, 20-year old me had turned 37. I do own mirrors and though I haven’t sunbathed for a long time, have lived smoke-free life for four years, and don’t know the meaning of the word partying, like I said I have mirrors at home and I can see the outcome of all the above. Probably I also have the sort of skin that wrinkles quicker and easier. Heavy eyelids are inheritance from my dad’s side of the family. I was actually looking at his wedding picture recently and I must admit, though my dad is a gorgeous looking man, I could see the future of my eyelids. Despite the wrinkles and the heavy eyelids, I have never had problems with self-confidence and I have never felt old or ugly. Of course I have had thoughts about injections or operations, but never too deep or serious. I wasn’t bothered. Being a public blogger, whose sometimes very sharp opinions are read by thousands of people a day, criticism has become a part of my life. Over the years I have become thick skinned (literally), so majority of it all just comes and goes. But there are some sayings that make me think and if you hear comments about your looks on a daily basis, it will start to effect. And you start to think HOW old do I look then?

I extra went to internet forum to find some examples, which wasn’t really that hard as one of most popular discussion was actually about my looks:

  • This is why she looks 15 years older, I really though she is 45+ and not 35.
  • Constant whining, negativism, dissatisfaction with everything and everyone makes people look older as well.
  • She is definitely one of those, who appears older than she really is. She knows it and that’s why she is usually wearing sun glasses on photos.
  • I am the same age as her, but don’t look an oldie as she does.
  • From a distance even my grandmother looks 35.
  • Tough. Life is so un-fare to some people. Or maybe she has done everything she can to look so bad. I don’t believe the latter, so it must be total lack of luck.
  • I think that the visual quick aging of Backpack is because she “has worn” her facial muscles like that. Having her face constantly tensed up, wrinkling, sulking and general resentment – the facial muscles remember this position and have now stayed like this. If I was her, I would give my face cup massage at home. Or even normal massage would help to ease the tensions in face.

This is only one page worth of commentaries. I would have never thought this, but I sincerely have to say THANK YOU to you all in the forum. If you hadn’t constantly criticized my looks, I would never have gone to Medemis Clinic. At first I went there only to have a simple consultation. But everything moved so fast, that on the first appointment on Wednesday we came up with the plan on what to do with my face and already on Thursday I went for my first procedure – botulinum injections into forehead. You know what is funny? When I went for my consultation, they gave me a mirror with a question – what is bothering me the most? I had to be honest and say that nothing is really bothering, but as now days we have the possibility to look better, then why put up with the comments and (supposedly) look older than 37. We agreed on the consultation to do three procedures – botulinum injections, correcting eyelids and in between these two procedures also carry out IPL photorejuvenation cure to remove pigmented spots and improve the general health of my facial skin. In theory I should be able to show you before and after pictures in February.

The effect from injections should be visible in two weeks, but I felt like a new born already on the same day. I was so glad to have decided and do this. Marek was laughing at home that I must have feast for eyes somewhere, because of whom I am doing all this as obviously I am not doing this for my husband. He is right, partially, as first and foremost I was thinking about myself to raise the level of my self-confidence. And of course I was thinking about my husband. I don’t care about any feasts for eyes. There is far to many women, who stop taking care of themselves when mid-life arrives and cry later, because the partner/husband is looking at other women. No, my husband is not one of those, who only appreciates the look. His first reaction was “but I have never been bothered by your wrinkles”. In the end though, if we leave out all these jokes about feasts for eyes, then even he understood why I went to Medemis.

Keep an eye on the blog now if you want to see step-by-step what is going to happen. All this journey will be happening thanks to the co-operation with Medemis.

* The title is written with sarcastic tone in it. In the end of the day, it is not nice to hear criticism about you and your looks.