Kuulasin Retro FM raadiost New Kids On The Block lugu. “Tonight“.  See oli üks mu lemmiklaule kui ma väike olin. Ma olin väike aastal 1990. Siis lugesin Jane blogist, et ta vaatas väiksena juba õudukaid. “Jeepers Creepers”. Jane oli väike aastal 2001. Õhtul nägin pilti, kus keegi näitas oma lapsele floppy disk´i ja laps ütles, et “vau sa oled 3D printeriga endale “Salvesta” ikooni printinud.” Minul olid ülikooli kodutööd floppy disk´il. Umbes 2001.aastal. Esimesed aastad tegime ettekandeid ikka kenasti grafoprojektoril.

Ma olen nii retro, kas pole?

Ma andsin eile ühe tibatillukese intervjuu blogimisest. Pärast seda intervjuud jäin ma end võrdlema teiste blogijatega. Populaarsete blogijatega. Mõnikord ma mõtlen, et tahaks ka teha midagi ägedat ja jagada ägedaid ettevõtmisi, aga kõik need ägedad asjad, mis ma korda olen saatnud, on jäänud sinna floppy disk´i aega. Ma olen kõik need asjad, mida nemad teevad, avastavad ja kogevad, juba ära teinud ja elangi nüüd täitsa tavalist keskmise eestlase elu. Selles mõttes pole ju isegi ime, et mu blogi on ühe “näägutava vanadaami” blogi, sest mul ei ole lugejatega midagi põnevat ja ekstraordinaarset jagada.

Miks siis üldse blogida? No vot. Siia see koer ongi maetud. Mulle meeldib kirjutada. Raamatute kirjutamiseks ei ole mul piisavalt annet. Ai, kus ma selles mõttes kadestan Maed, kelle sulg lihtsalt lendab ja kes paneb kõik nii kaasahaaravalt kirja! Ma tahan ka kirjutada. Ja nii ma kirjutangi. Arvamusblogi. Sest kui enda elus midagi väga põnevat ei toimu, siis asjadest arvama jään ma midagi kogu aeg. Selle asemel, et mõtted endale jätta, panen kirja ja jagan teistega. Mõnikord inimestele meeldib, enamus ajast ei meeldi. Aga ma ikka kirjutan. Saan ennast nii välja elada. Muud hobi peale kirjutamise ja lugemise mul ju ei ole.

Reisimine oleks. Peaks reisiblogi. Aga selleks oleks vaja reisida. Ja selleks oleks vaja kaamerat. Enda oma viisin Fotoluksi juba sada aastat tagasi, et nad vaataks, kas sellesse saab veel eluvaimu sisse puhuda, aga nad ei ole mulle isegi tagasi helistanud. Ma ei liialda kui ma ütlen, et varsti olen kuu aega oodanud. Paljast kaamerast ei ole ka kasu, sest pilte tuleks osata teha.

Mood oleks. Peaks moeblogi. Sekkarileidudest, disainileidudest, ägedatest inimestest ägeda stiiliga. Samas tähendaks see jutu asemel rohkem pilte ja ka ei sobiks, sest 1) kaamera ja pildistamise oskus ning 2)ma ei saaks rahuldatud oma vajadust kirjutada.

Kodusisustus oleks. Peaks kodublogi. Samas jällegi nii palju takistusi. Raha, aeg, anne ja viitsimine vanakraami restaureerida, kaamera, pildistamise oskus. Vaatan näiteks Miramii blogi ja suren kadedusse. Vaatan Höme blogi ja suren kadedusse. Vaatan…issand mulle ei tule selle blogi nimi hetkel meelde…ja suren kadedusse.

Mis alles jääb? Arvamusblogi. Mida ma pean hobiks. Mitte selleks, et end blogi kaudu paremaks teha ja end paremana tunda (Perekooli vanasõna). Kuidas see üldse välja peaks nägema? Ma ei oska. Mina oskan end läbi blogi pigem halvemaks teha.

Uhhh…ma ei tohiks enam Retro FMi kuulata. See paneb mind end liiga retrona tundma. Eriti blogijana.

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I heard “Tonight” by New Kids On The Block in the radio. It was one of my favorite songs when I was little. I was little in 1990. Then I read from one blog, how the author was already watching horror movies when she was a kid, “Jeepers Creepers”. She was a kid on 2001. In the evening I saw a picture where somebody was showing floppy disk to a child who was then amazed how “the SAVE button was printed out with 3D printer.” I saved my university homework on floppy disks that was around 2001. The first years we used graphical projectors for presentations of course.

I am so retro, aren’t I?

I gave a tiny interview yesterday about blogging. After that I started comparing myself to other bloggers. The popular bloggers. Sometimes I wish I would do something awesome and share awesome things, but I have already done this awesomeness, around the floppy disks’ time. I have already done everything what they are discovering and doing now, which leaves me to live my normal average Estonian life. In that sense it cannot be a surprise that my blog is by “an old nagging lady” because I have nothing existing and extraordinary to share with my readers.

Why blog then? Well … this is the truth. I like writing. I am not talented enough to write a book. I really envy Mae in that sense, because she can write page after page after page and still keep the excitement. I want to write too. So I write. An opinionated blog. Even if anything special is not happening in my own life, I will always remain having an opinion. Instead of keeping my thoughts to myself, I write them down and share with everybody. Sometimes people like them, most of the times they don’t. But I keep writing. I can get things off my chest this way. Like you know, I have no other hobbies beside writing and reading.

Travelling could be. What if I start writing a travel blog. But would need to travel. And I would need a camera. I took mine to repair ages ago to see if it can be fixed. I still haven’t heard back from them. I am not exaggerating when I say it’s been nearly a month. Having a camera is not everything as you also need to know how to take pictures.

Fashion could be. What if I start writing a fashion blog. Tell about findings from second hand stores and new design discovers, talking about cool people with cool style. But this would still mean more photos and less writing which wouldn’t be suitable for me, because a) it needs a camera and skill to shoot b) I wouldn’t be able to satisfy my need to write.

Home design could be. What if I start writing blog about home. Again, too complicated. Money, time, talent and will to restore old things, camera, skill to take photos. Sometimes I go to Miramii blog and die of envy. I check Höme blog and die of envy. I look at … oh dear, I cannot even remember the name to that blog … and I die of envy.

So what is left? An opinionated blog. Which for me is a hobby. Not to show myself better via blog and feel myself better (a saying in our infamous forum). How one does that anyway? I don’t know how. If anything, I know how to show myself worse via blog.

Hm … I shouldn’t listen to retro music anymore. It makes me feel too retro. Especially as a blogger.